The defination of insanity

Albert Einstein said, "the defination of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Well, I must be insane then. I've been complaining about my husbands job (I'll spare you the details) for 4 of the 5 years he's had this particular job now.

I know that God is more interested in our growth than in our comfort. Therefore I deduce that he has something for me to learn from this experience and until I learn it I will not receive the blessings I am seeking (and I have a list, it's LONG).

I commit from this moment on I will only be grateful for the employment Paul has and find only the good in it. This is my 30 day experiement. I'm guessing it will be tortuous for me, it's soooooooooo difficult to break a bad habit and replace it with a good one. I figure by broadcasting this I'll be more effective. At the end of 30 days I expect to have something significantly changed. I'll let you know.

Until then........ I'm thankful Paul has a job, I'm thankful Paul is able to provide for us, I'm thankful we have all our needs met in this moment.

God's Gifts

I realize I haven't posted in 4 months. I keep thinking that before I post on current events I need to back track first. I decided that if that's the way I go, I'll never post again. This was a very busy summer. On a side note, coming into the year 2009 I had the impression that this year would be wonderful, but challenging at the same time. That impression was right on.

In a nut shell, after Jadon was born Paul's grandpa Graham died, two days later my grandma Williams died, a month later we moved, this whole time my mouth has been falling apart (root canal, abscessed tooth, crown, bridge) and since the day Jadon was born I've been suffering from SEVERE post partum depression (yes, this is my 5th time with PPD, that's a whole other story, and a looooooooong one at that). I decided to go the natural route this time (yes, this is my 5th time with PPD, that's a whole other story, and a looooooooong one at that) instead of taking the Zoloft my midwife prescribed me. Happily, I am finally recovering from it.

Today God gave us another gift, in addition to the a fore mentioned gifts. I took my husband to the ER, he has kidney stones.

I say all of these events are gifts because though to the common person they look like challenges, they are gifts in that as bad as they are (and believe me, they are BAD), there is that much good in them. There is a blessing to be found within each of the challenges which is equal to or greater than the challenge itself. The way to receive that blessing is to have faith that it's there and look for it.

I've been thinking a lot about how our life is and how I want it to be. Each of these challenges is giving me the opportunity to learn something new, to grow and to exercise faith. As I do these things I'm improving and becoming the person I need to be in order to receive the blessings I'm seeking. I know as I keep looking for the good and being faithful, fantastic things are in store for us and my goals for how I want our life to be will become a reality.

Jadon's birth story

Pregnancy experience with Jadon:

I had a fear of giving birth after the birth of Jude. Time went on and I kept putting off dealing with my fears, because, I was afraid. February came and I got a severe toothache. I worried about infection reaching the baby so Paul gave me a blessing that I would suffer pain no more in the tooth. In March my tooth broke leaving a big hole in my molar. Again, worry of infection. The dentists decided as long as I'm having no pain they would hold off tooth extraction until after the baby was born. At 28 weeks I found out the baby was in posterior position and my hemoglobin levels dropped. More stress…..On May 21st, just 9 days before my estimated due date I was awake all night with cramping. I spent the night on the toilet and believed I was leaking amniotic fluid because so much liquid was coming out of me. The next day I saw the midwives to be tested for amniotic fluid leakage, I test positive. They advised me to I add probiotics and echinicia to the supplements I was already taking. They suggested I rest lots and drink lots of fluid to keep my amniotic fluid levels up, take my temperature and make sure the baby is moving. They believed all would be well. The last time this happened (baby #1) I was hospitalized, put on antibiotics, monitored every 4 hours and couldn’t leave till baby was born. I wanted a more natural approach to child birth, that's what I was getting; I didn’t know what to think though. I was flipping out! I called my previous midwife group where I had birthed my last 3 babies and asked their opinion. They all said I should be induced within 48 hours of the leak being detected because of risk of infection. My anxiety was so high that I could barely function as a mother to my other 4 children. I thought I was developing signs of infection. I was such a wreck, not eating or sleeping for days, loosing 7 lbs (I was already thin). Stress, stress, stress……. Whose advice do I follow? What is my intuition telling me? I couldn’t tell. I sought another priesthood blessing from my husband. In it I was blessed with a healthy, happy baby, that I will enjoy spending time with the baby and that I will enjoy the birthing of the baby. I decided to trust my midwives advice and go on as planned. For the moment, I was at peace knowing the baby would be okay.


My anxiety continues. I get acupuncture to see if that helps. I get another blessing from Paul telling me that I have the necessary survival skills; I have what it takes within me to do what needs to be done.


I got another blessing. I was told to rely on the Lord for strength. I went to a counseling session per my midwives request. On 6/5/09 I did an energy healing session. I sought out other women who had overcome their fears and had successful natural births. I contacted the baby blues connection where I learned that there is a disorder called anti-partum depression. I also learned that there is a phobia of giving birth called tokophobia. I had both; I wish I had known sooner to have had more time to deal with these serious emotional disorders.

The night before I went into birthing time (6/5) I was seriously considering giving up the whole home birth/natural thing and going to the hospital for an epidural. I just wanted the baby out and in my arms, I wanted this whole ordeal to end. It was affecting every aspect of my life, especially that of my children. I certainly was not relying on the Lord or I would have been at peace.

Birth experience:

6/6/09 my father in law came over. I sought a blessing from him. Through the power of the priesthood my father in law holds, I was told that my Heavenly Father loves me and is concerned for me. I was blessed with health, as was my baby. Heavenly Father wanted me to know that I made the right choice (in choosing a home birth) and to let my anxiety go. He told me baby will come soon and this difficult time will be in the past. I have great faith in the priesthood power and the words of god, so I was at peace, finally, and decided to continue with my plans to birth at home, and to rely on the Lord.


A couple of thoughts occurred to me as I was pondering my blessing. Satan has been placing doubt and fear in my mind about my birth plans, and about giving birth because he didn’t want me to realize the power I have when I exercise faith in God, and trust the power of my mind. In this “burden” as my first blessing during this pregnancy stated, God gave me the opportunity to exercise faith and rely on His power to get me through this, and believe in my ability to do what I’ve determined to do. Those are the most important lessons I learned throughout this experience of bringing Jadon into the world. “If God brings you to it, he’ll bring you through it.”


DeLoy’s blessing was inspired. I went into birthing waves at about 9:30 that night and baby was born at 12:15 Sunday morning, the 7th. I am still in shock as to how quickly the birthing time was. My past births have been 12-14 hours start to finish. From 9:00-10:00 or so the birthing waves were very light and I tucked the kids into bed, grabbed a small snack, watched my favorite water birth clip, tidied up the house. By about 10:00 I thought this may be it as I was having to rest during the waves, so I started calling people just to let them know I may be calling them in the middle of the night (expecting things to go on for several hours). I got the birthing supplies out on the dining room table for easy access. About 10:10 things waves were getting closer and stronger. I woke my husband up soliciting his help. He got my I-pod docked so I could start listening to hypnobabies. I got out my information on turning a posterior baby during labor. We spent a couple of waves doing the belly lift, hoping to turn the baby. That was uncomfortable, so I got into the knee to chest position hoping during this early time I could get baby to turn. Things got VERY INTENSE, VERY RAPIDLY! In hind sight I should have began using hypnosis the first few waves I felt because by now I was not able to get my mind to relax enough. I had my husband start timing the waves at 11:15 or so because I just couldn’t. They were lasting 40-50 seconds, with about a 60 second break between them. Deep relaxation was out the window. My focus was on getting through one wave at a time. At first I had the heat pad on my back because the back pain was almost unbearable, when a wave would come Paul pressed very hard on my lower back, while I cringed and moaned. We decided to put an ice pack on my back, and the heating pad on my stomach instead, again hoping the baby’s back would turn away from the cold and toward the heat. I made calls to my midwife Kelly and her assistant Kelly, my doula Danielle, and my mom during my brief breaks between waves, while my husband left my side to get things ready, get the birthing tub filled up, then rushed back to push on my lower back with all his might. As doula Danielle was driving to my house she was able to speak calming words to me while I was on the phone with her through one wave. I had never experienced such a fast, intense 1st stage and I wanted drugs (which ultimately I’m glad I didn’t get). My 2nd choice would have been getting into the birth tub which was not filled up, and wouldn’t be for another 45 minutes or so. I was so grateful for the 1 minute break between each wave. I was concerned that the waves like that were going to go on for hours. Just as I was moving to the bed to see if that would be a better position for me, perhaps more relaxing, apprentice midwife Kelly arrived. She helped me through two waves, rubbing my arms and legs speaking calming words while my husband pushed on my back. I did notice some discomfort in my uterine muscles, but nothing compared to what my back was experiencing. After those two waves I went to the restroom feeling like I needed to have a small bowel movement. I took off my pants and gently pushed. I didn’t realize the water broke and I was pushing the babies head out, luckily Kelly was right there and noticed and had me quickly stand up. Out came the head facing my back (yae! The baby turned) with two little fists hidden under two fleshy cheeks. Kelly checked my perineum, looked good. I leaned on the bathtub and almost effortlessly pushed the rest of him out. Kelly caught him, removed the cord that was draped over his shoulder and placed him in my arms. My husband announced “it’s a boy.” I sat on the bathroom floor holding my baby; whom we wrapped in a bath towel; in shock that I had just given birth. I couldn’t believe how blindingly fast it went. During birthing time I felt like I was in a trance almost, in a timeless state. It was as if my subconscious mind had taken over, my conscious mind (except for the part that registered “pain”) moving out of the way. This birth was such a natural, smooth process, the way God intended birth to be. I felt amazing! On top of the world! I knew that I could do anything and I knew that I would be happy to go through that experience all over again.


My mom arrived just in time to watch his body come out, doula Danielle and midwife Kelly arrived after he was born. I guess my oldest had been awake the whole time, just choose to stay in bed. My 2nd oldest woke up after his brother was born, as more people arrived. The younger two stayed asleep the whole night. We all enjoyed ourselves for the next few hours visiting, holding the baby, in awe of what happened.


The birth did not go as I had planned; it went how it was meant to go. I did set my intention on a healthy baby, healthy mom, fast, easy birthing, on having a very quick, easy, discomfort free second stage, on having the baby come out face to my back, on having a drug free, home birth, surrounded by my loved ones (even if they are sleeping), and having the baby on a Sunday the 7th of June. All those things came to pass.


Jadon Bradford Graham weighed 8 lbs 4 oz, was 20 inches long. He was born at 12:15 am Sunday June 7th 2009 in the peaceful, loving environment of his home.

We named our son Jadon because the meaning, "God has heard, thankful" fits so well the circumstances surrounding my pregnancy with him and his birth.

Little wiggler #5

Baby is is very active. Paul took this video on 5/21/09, just 10 days before estimated due date. It's fun to watch a posterior child in the tummy, where their arms and feet are facing my tummy vs. facing my back with a properly positioned anterior facing child. Hopefully the child will turn to an anterior position in time for birthing.

Getting ready for baby

I'm planing a home water birth for this baby. My midwifes came for a home visit during week 36 and brought the birthing tub, which to my great surprise is really a trough they bought at WILCO farm store. We put it in my bedroom so it will be ready when the time comes. I've bought a foam pad, sheet and plastic liner to place in it come birthing time. My trouble may being keeping the kids out of it. It's their favorite "new toy" right now. They love to slide in it, bring their toys in it and sit there and play, stand on it and look out the window. I'm surprised no one has asked to sleep in it yet. Jolie asked me if she could get in her swimsuit when I'm birthing. Ought to be fun come birthing time!

Scripture Memorization

Our family has been using this system for a year and a half or so. We get the scripture box out each morning as part of our morning routine, and each evening as part of our evening routine.



Jaren has memorized the most scriptures. Jude (age 2) is now starting to join in. Jenea and Jolie don't usually actively participate, but it's amazing how they are familiar with the scriptures anyway.

To date we have memorized all 13 Articles of Faith. Now we are working on memorizing “Family, A Proclamation to the World”, http://www.lds.org/library/display/0,4945,161-1-11-1,00.html. It’s amazing in how just a few minutes two times a day we can learn and retain so much.

Step one:
Get an index card box with 41 tabbed dividers in it.

Step two:
Label the dividers as follows and place them in the box as follows:
• 1 divider — Daily
• 1 divider — Odd
• 1 divider — Even
• 7 dividers — Days of the Week (Sunday, Monday, etc.)
• 31 dividers — Numbered 1-31

Step three:
Copy onto index cards any verses your family already knows; place them behind the numbered dividers. Next write on index cards verses your family wants to memorize. Pick one to memorize first and place it behind the Daily divider. Place the rest of the verses in the back of the box.

Step Four:
Each day you will say together the verses behind four dividers. Remember, in the beginning you may just be saying the daily scripture until more are memorized.
• Daily
• Odd or Even
• Day of the Week
• Date of the Month

For example, if today is Tuesday, the 3rd, you will say the verses behind Daily, Odd (because 3is an odd number), Tuesday, and 3. The next day (Wednesday, the 4th), you will say the verses behind Daily, Even, Wednesday, and 4. Keep in mind that only the verse behind Daily is a new one that you are memorizing; all the others are just review.

Step Five:
As you master the verses behind the Daily divider, advance that card and move the replaced verses farther back in the box. So when you have memorized a Daily, move it behind either the Odd or Even divider. Move the verse that was in that Odd or even slot back to a Day of the Week slot. And move the verse it replaces in the Day of the Week slot back behind a numbered divider. You can then put a new verse or passage to memorize behind the Daily divider and you’re ready to go again.
In this way, you will review a new verse every day, and then graduate to every other day, once a week, and finally, once a month. Use the system every day of the month and you will review all the verses you know every month of the year!
When you have advanced enough verse cards that you have one placed behind each numbered divider, start at 1 again and add another card to each. Soon you’ll have several cards behind each numbered divider.

We really enjoy this system. It’s great fun to have a visual of how much we’ve learned. For more on this visit www.simplycharlottemason.com

Morning Routine

I don’t function well with out organization and structure in my life. I’ve found that in our home when mommy’s not functioning the day doesn’t run smoothly. Each morning I get up before the children and prepare juice and cut up and peel apples for them. After all 4 are up and comfortable in the living room I hand out the juice and apples so they are occupied and quiet while we do our “morning routine” which includes the following:

Calendar
Child of the day
Talk about the day’s agenda
Read a scripture that goes with our monthly theme (this month it’s gifts and talents)
Read and discuss an article out of our churches children’s magazine
Memorize scriptures
Have family prayer
Choose chore responsibilities for the day

We break for getting dressed and making beds while I get breakfast prepared. Ahh, the day is off to a good start.